So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
