At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
