I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
