they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
COCAINE IS GR8
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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