I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
