omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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