I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
