Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
