Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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