i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
