The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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