is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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