somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
