I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
