i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
