I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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