I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
