i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
