tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
