And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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