I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
