get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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