I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize