Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
