Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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