Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
