im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
