After last night, I could never be a politician.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
