I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
