She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i will never coherently bang her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
