I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
