there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
