We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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