I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
