Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
