She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
