we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
