I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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