I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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