My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
