Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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