I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
