Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
