you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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