That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
