Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
