I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
