apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
