my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
