so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
