We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
