Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
