i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
