WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
