My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
