I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
