I wish my penis had an off switch
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
