so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
