it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Holy sore nipples Batman
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
