One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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