we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
