I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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