tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
