Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
