If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm bleeding and have questions
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
