The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
