i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just blew my weed a kiss
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
